i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
