I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
