I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
