VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
