Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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