4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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