I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
