i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
