You're my little dorito
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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