i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
