i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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