Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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