I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
even my farts smell like vagina
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
