so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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