I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
