all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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