A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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