I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
P.S. I can't hear my feet
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
