Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
