When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
