i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
