I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
