I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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