I puked a lego.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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