Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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