Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
