I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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