he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
