I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
