my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
