Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if only i could text you this smell
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
