okay pat passed out under dana's car
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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