im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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