If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
