i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
