I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
