HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
