if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
