but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
