My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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