Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
