I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
