I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
