a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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