the condom got lost in my hair
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
