Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I will be naked everywhere
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
