An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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