I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
