this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
