wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
