her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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