Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
