So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
