Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
