kristin has been a bad kristin
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Still dying that you shit outside
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
