if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
